I never found any real solution.
At 16, I was recommended by a psychiatrist to join The Insight Program. I was told it was a short term support group and it was not mandatory for me to attend.
I did not think I needed to go whatsoever, but that was against my will. I was pretty open to joining once I had arrived, because of the amount of kids hanging out and smoking cigarettes. I didn’t even smoke.
I was called a slut by my female counselor more times than I can count.
I had to cut off contact with all my old friends I had known. I couldn’t spend time with anyone who wasn’t in the program.
I couldn’t have a problem without being forced to tell everyone. I couldn’t do the things I normally loved doing. I lost every little bit of myself, and I am still trying to find her again.
I felt like a puppet.
I was interrogated, broken down, and manipulated the entire two years I was there.
If my decisions weren’t approved by my peers, I was deemed a “bad influence” or “not a winner” until I was fully dedicated again. When I finished both my Outpatient and Aftercare program, I spiraled into a really deep depression.
I had been convinced to go off my medication prior to joining, and hand’t felt depressed until after I finished OP. I always wondered why this was the case, but I realized it was because I had no time to even consider being depressed.
My every waking moment was being spent with The Group. I spent every single day with them. Most of my nights were spent with them as well. Some of those nights were spent staying up over 24 hours just to get a rush.
I was never allowed a moment to think for myself. If I spent anytime thinking to myself, I was told I was “selfing out” or “being in my head.” This was seen as a bad thing. Thing I would have to share about it.
I eventually spoke up about how I felt depressed and suicidal, and I never found any real solution.
I was mostly told to “let it go” or “pray.” I ended up beginning to self harm after this. I asked for help again, and this time, I was threatened by my counselor that I would be kicked out.
She said it was because they “weren’t capable of handling mental illness.” Addiction and mental health go hand in hand.
This was a consistent cycle I experienced until I made it to a point where I was allowed to graduate. I smoothly graduated and landed in an apartment with my friend who graduated with me.
I stayed sober, but I lost all my friends. Everybody who was still actively in the Group quit speaking to me.
The only friends I had were the ones who graduated with me. I had lost all social skills I thought I knew, and ended up losing everyone in the end because of what The Group had engrained in me.
I eventually spiraled out further until I landed in a mental hospital for planning a suicide only 6 months after I had graduated.
I had a few close people visit me. When I got out, I didn’t receive calls or texts from The Program and I didn’t receive a wellness check-up.
I was told they loved me thousands of times, when they did not.
I am permanently scarred from what I endured, and everyday I have to work on healing.
I am now in school and no longer am I sober, but I am not the addict they made me out to be.
- The Insight Program Survivor Story
